"i hope to find you at the end of this" is an annual durational performance that takes place on October 10. The performance is dedicated to a past lover and to raise awareness for suicide prevention. 

Medium: Durational performance
Year: 2014


October 10, 2014
5PM - 12:15AM

i hope to find you at the end of this
is a durational and iterative process that focuses on the yearning for a lover who is no longer around and a past that cannot be relived. It is an attempt to be honest with oneself by tracing the line back to her end, my beginning / through the whats and whys of her suicide and the hows of moving forward. The process is carried out every October 10, with the last iteration being put to rest when there is nothing left to yearn for and mourn for anymore.

i hope to find you at the end of this
is an attempt to answer questions that begin with: Can one throw away the baggage of guilt, grief, and yearning? Would closure come more easily if mourning is dealt with frequently? Can time heal all things, if so, when?

During the performance, six skeins of yarn was wound 2192 times to represent the 2192 days since the day she was gone. The yarn was then tangled and untangled without the use of scissors or other external tools. The performance lasted for 7 hours and 15 minutes.

5:00 - 6:00 / Winding
6:00 - 7:30 / Counting
7:30 - 12:15 / (Un)tangling


Presented by the Textile Arts Center, NY
Photography by Sacha Vega